Overcoming Fear of Failure: Part 3
Starting Again
“But it’s embarrassing. And I have no credibility. I wouldn’t trust me.”
This is what I told first the Lord and then Brandon after sensing the Lord leading me to once again begin to point people to Him through words and stories. Why in the world would I want to give some people yet another reason to shake their head at me and give myself another reason to wallow in self pity like a pig in the mud on a hot Southern day? Gross, I know. But honestly, a great visual for what we look like when we wallow in self-pity, right? I had started More Than Words Co. over 2 years ago, and I hadn’t touched it on a consistent basis… well, since then.
If you have been around a minute (translation: really long time), you know this wasn’t the beginning. As an OG, you’d remember my college blog I posted on sporadically, at best. Huge fan of alliteration that I am, the natural name of this blog was Joy From Jackie. And it will always be there for your enjoyment; my University of Arkansas email that I can no longer access is my login :). You may also remember Be You With Jackie Moore - my podcast that started out strong and consistent but quickly fizzled to occasionally, sporadically, and now simply available. Honestly, I still stand behind the content of the podcast, just not proud of the follow-through.
Addressing The Issue
Fear not fully addressed is tricky because it can create blindspots. Around the time I started the podcast, the Lord had taught me how to not fear the failure of meeting expectations and not being perfect. So once that was exposed and dealt with, I shut the closet door and ran forward as fast as I could into building and creating the vision God had given me. I honestly don’t think I was fully wrong in that. I was right to walk in the freedom God had granted me from fear of what other people thought of me. But, it would take a few years to address the problems still lurking in the closet.
The problem: follow-through and work ethic. My mind had been so consumed for so many years with trying to not fail anyone ever in anything ever, I didn’t realize how closely tied to performing for people my work ethic and follow-through were. Surprisingly, admitting this to myself felt 1,000 times more difficult than admitting it to you. Sharing it here is a bit like ripping a bandaid off quickly, whereas admitting to myself I have a follow-through issue because of my work ethic was a bit like having a gashing wound sewn slowly back together with no numbing medicine.
I would stay up late grading papers and practice dances until I could do them perfectly both the regular way or mirrored (shout out to my Universal Cheerleaders Association Days). The common denominator here, though, was that I would end up face to face with someone who would see I had failed and not followed through. When it came to personal goals or certain things the Lord would prompt me towards, I would start strong but would typically tend to trail off eventually.
Who Are You Pleasing
Unfortunately, when I started More Than Words in 2021, I had become aware of this tendency in myself, but I had not really done anything about it. Yes, the first step is admitting you have a problem, but we can’t get comfy with just admitting it’s a problem and expect to see any change. By March of 2023, though, I was ready to move on from acknowledging my problem and allow the Lord to show me why it was a problem and what practical steps I need to take towards change. And through His strength, I am working towards having a Godly work ethic at all times, in all situations which is going to produce Godly follow-through.
In Luke 14 Jesus uses a basic principle to help explain the difficulties of being one of His followers. He asks a rhetorical question, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” It’s assumed that no one would just start building a tower without making sure they had all the materials, but that is exactly what I had been in the habit of doing. I had gone from one extreme - being paralyzed by perfection - to the other extreme - failing to finish because of not fully thinking through and planning properly. As you can imagine, it happened innocently or naively enough, but it was ultimately my responsibility to admit, address, and adjust through the power of Christ in me.
Way back in 2020, the Lord used 2 Timothy 2:7, “ For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline,” to show me that I lacked self discipline and follow-through, and I’m just now getting to the place where I am willing to do what is necessary to walk in the freedom that living this way brings. But, that is my goal: to live out this verse as I minister to you through More Than Words Co.’s content and merchandise as well as speaking/teaching engagements and sharing my life online.
If I can be honest with myself for the sake of freedom and obedience, I know you can, too. Because it’s not our strength we rely on, but the same power that raised Christ from the dead. I believe you can live what you know to be true. You can stay holy. You have the power of the risen Christ in you. And, oh man, do I believe in Him.
Y’all’ve got this!
Jackie
